The questions are percolating. When are you guys going to start the adoption process? Do you want babies from here or from overseas? Do you have names picked out? Do you want older kids? When, when, when?
It makes sense that our family & friends are growing restless. It’s been over four months since many of them contributed to our adoption fund, dropping beautifully written cards and checks into a fancy box rather than lugging the more traditional collection of slow cookers and towel sets to our reception. The truth is, we can’t wait to start the adoption process. We can’t wait to have kids in our home, with all the spills, bedtime stories, and hiccups that come with them!
To answer the calls of our stakeholders and to begin to answer our own desire to begin this journey in our lives, I spent the afternoon researching avenues to adoption. I didn’t get very far. It turns out that there is no magical hub of information for prospective parents who happen to be gay. I don’t know why I feel disappointed, let alone surprised. After all, Wisconsin law prohibits same-sex couples from adopting children. Why would there be a red carpet for us to traverse toward our dream of starting a family?
I know, I know. You’re shocked. You hardly believe me, in fact. How could discrimination be so flagrant, so alive in our present day system of laws?
But it’s true. Wisconsin law states that same-sex couples cannot adopt children. Married couples (defined, most recently and restrictively, as ‘one man and one woman’ by the heartbreaking 2006 amendment to our state constitution) and single people can adopt, but not gay couples. The Wisconsin Supreme Court cemented this into law in 1994, in a 4-3 decision, that Jenn and I cannot be legal co-parents to our future children. They decided this without even knowing us.
The ramifications of this reality are, at times, stifling. It’s worth at least a dozen blog posts. For today, I think I’ll focus on the few discoveries I made that will help us to move forward in learning more about what options are available to us. I’m sure the process will be painstaking and piecemeal. But in the end, I know that we’ll be parents, somehow, and it will be the best ever. I know our kids are out there waiting for us to love them. And you know what?
We’re ready.
4 Comments
January 12, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Maybe you could start something? You know, a red carpet of sorts? Maybe you could be the thing you’re looking for? It sucks that you should have to, but you guys are just the sort of people the world is so woefully lacking. Just throwing it out there.
Regardless, I think the amendment is just the shittiest thing ever. And that’s about as eloquent as I can get on the subject this morning.
Somewhere, someday, some kid is going to get very, very, very lucky.
January 14, 2008 at 9:19 pm
I am keeping my fingers crossed for the two of you.
You WILL be fabulous parents. And soon enough some assholes in legislature will realize that.
January 14, 2008 at 9:27 pm
Sorry Krista…no profanity allowed on this blog. We do NOT use words like “legislature” here, no sir. ;)
(Thanks for the comment!)
July 31, 2008 at 4:26 pm
You don’t know me – I found your blog through erinfrances’.
This post really opened my eyes and made me sad in that “it’s just not fair” way.
Wishing you a solution from across the blogisphere.
(and I really enjoyed your 100 list).